Stepping past the mediocre.

I've spent my life feeling like I was less than mediocre. I was the kid who the entire class picked on. I was bullied, I always came in second place for competitions, and though I got great grades, I was never the smartest kid. 

I don't remember really being told that I'm special, or really talented in much of anything growing up. Until I started to write, and started to lead. Against all odds, I decided to pursue my writing and try to find ways to pursue my leadership. 

I was knocked down time and time again. No matter how much I excelled at any job, I was never good enough. No matter how great my writing was, I was never recognized.

There was a moment I was ready to give up. To give up everything I spent my life working towards. If I had never really been seen as good enough before, what would really be different now? Was I really that great, or had people just told me that for a while because they knew there wasn't anything I was great at.

And then, when all hope was lost, a wonderful woman from my church took me aside and told me that she felt God was telling her that my dreams were going to come true soon. I held onto it, even though by that point I couldn't even remember what my actual dream was. Somewhere, along the crash I had experienced, I lost sight of what I wanted. I questioned everything.

But I needed something to hold on to. So I did. 

November hit, and NaNoWriMo started, and I found myself longing to write again. I'd be at work, clicking away on that boring data entry, and my mind would drift to writing. To telling people's stories. To articles I could be writing about the interesting, important and heart warming things going on in this town.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a phone call. A job offer, at our local newspaper. I hadn't even known for sure that it was an offer yet, it was just a phone call, asking me to come in and talk. My heart leapt, and I knew what my answer was going to be. Hubby agreed, that there was no need for discussion.

My biggest regret from the past year was turning down the position when it was offered to me in April. I wasn't about to make that mistake again.

The last few weeks I've been juggling the end of my data entry job with the reporter position. It's been hard, draining and a struggle. But I'm happier than I have been in a while. I feel accomplished. I feel like I've found my heart and soul again.

Because the truth is, I'm not mediocre. I'm good at what I do, and it's time I started using that.