While the government may continue to try and deny that we are in a recession and that there is no job shortage, the truth is pretty apparent. Full time jobs are diminishing as companies close their doors, or move towards more temp contracts and part-time positions to avoid paying out benefits.
I suppose some people would tell me to suck it up, that I had a job and should have been more grateful. But having someone knock me down to only 7 hours a week for an unforseen period of time, being verbally abused and sacrificing my mental health wasn't worth it.
The hardest part of all of that was watching my dreams and everything I worked for over the 9 months dissipate and be flushed down the drains.
But that still isn't the hardest part.
Hubby and I have been struggling financially since the wedding. With his part time hours, and my part time hours, getting by has been tough. And as much as that has sucked, I was okay. Sure, we were living paycheck to paycheck, but we were getting by and that's okay.
Now is a completely different story, and it's terrifying. We knew it would be tight for the couple of weeks I was without work. But paychecks haven't been coming, and in six weeks I've brought in a whopping $400. Now, there's a chance my first pay from my contract job might be delayed until the following payday, three weeks from now. And things are tight. Tight enough that I'm not sure if we're going to be able to pay our bills this month.
And I'm having the hardest time trusting in God right now. My faith was shaken after things went sour at work. And as things continue to get more difficult, I'm scared. I'm scared because I don't know if we're going to be okay. I don't know if we're going to make it.
I'm so scared. And I haven't admitted that to anyone.
Sometimes it's good to voice those fears. xx
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